For as long as I can remember I have been a binge eater, not the kind who eats it all and then makes it come back up again. Not the kind who feels guilty after a pint of ice cream and goes to the gym. Just the kind who only feels satisfaction when the bag is finally empty, it's a relief when I know there is nothing eles in there for me to eat. Only then can I stop.
When I was a little kid I would always throw up in my bed at night. It got to the point where my mom would send me to bed with a bowl and if I missed I knew how to clean it up myself. At the time everyone thought I just had a sensitive stomach but looking back I was just eating too much and my poor little stomach couldn't hang yet. I would sit on top of my parents clothes dryer and look at the snack cupboard. My favorite thing was the Snackwells Devils food cookies, I cannot even count how many times I took down a whole box of those and I was probably ten years old!
Some people may say that this is not binge eating, that a child cannot be a binge eater but binge eating is often not something that is learned but that is genetically passed on to you. Just because you binge does not mean that you can't function, have a weight problem or even a commonly recognized eating disorder. Most people binge at some point in their lives whether it be a bad day at work, a break up or just a moment of hunger where you lose track of how much you needed to eat.
By the grace of genetics and habit of being active I have never had what most would call a weight problem. Overall most of my life I have been of average weight and sometimes above or under, not due to a good diet but due to being physically active and having the genetic makeup to be well proportioned. But as I got older and closer to thirty I continued to eat the whole bag of Twizzlers or cookies or whatever it was that day and I continued to be active but it just wasn't enough anymore.
Last summer my family went to Wisconsin Dells for a weekend. Upon arrival my oldest sister looked noticeably fit and by fit I mean RIPPED! She was lean and muscular and looked hot. I on the other hand had a muffin top in my size XL boy short bikini bottoms and was not feeling so great about myself that weekend.
My sister had been secretly training for a figure competition and was working with a coaching team for diet and exercise. She mentioned to me that they were going to be launching a new program for non competitors who just want to lose weight and be healthy. I wanted to do it but I did not want to pack a lunch, give up sweets or any of the other things that losing weight entails. So I did what most people do and told myself that I was going to eat better and figure it out on my own while still eating pizza once per week, working out at 50% intensity and having no real grasp on the amount of food that I consumed each day.
A few months later as my sister got more fit and won her first figure competition I could not take it anymore. I wanted to be fit too! The new program had yet to launch so I sent it my pictures and information and waited. December 17, 2011 was my first day of my new lifestyle, or so I thought.
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